vast_array

07:37 pm: I'm still young at heart

You Are 23 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

12:26 pm: Weekend recap
Well my weekend begins with Friday. My best friend (B) took the day off to handle some business he needed to get done. We went twice to the gym and hung out. It was nice since we have not spent much time together in quite a while. Good to catch up and gossip with a great friend.

The draw back to my Friday was lunch. I met my ex for lunch and after him postponing lunch twice I was given my walking papers by him. Since our break up I've wanted to be friends with him, although we are not together and I can't live with him now, I still love him. He informed me that he needed me out of his life forever, with no ties or contact. This saddens me, but I will honor his wishes. He deserves to be able to move on and begin to heal. Hopefully someday soon he can be happy.

In the evening I had planned on hanging out with someone I like very much (DB), but due to circumstances that didn't happen and was postponed to Sat. evening. So instead I relaxed at home.

My Saturday was somewhat eventful. It begun with a trip to the gym with a friend. Next I went to B's house and helped him with some cooking for brunch on Sunday. Then we went downtown to do some shopping and got caught in a heavy rain storm. I finally got to put my new rain coat to good use. It works great. After our shopping we went to the top floor of Westlake Center for a bite to eat. After we got our food and sat down a gentleman behind B started throwing food on his back. After B confronted him, we concluded that the guy was just nuts. B moved to my side of the table. The guy, who was sitting directly across from B at the next table, continued to taunt him. B just ignored him. I went and had someone call security then sat at the guys table across from him and stared at him. I told him if he wanted to start something I would be happy to oblige. He then pulled out a chain, in an attempt to intimidate me. I told him if he thought that was going to help him then he was sorely mistaken. I could tell he thought I was crazier than he was and he was beginning to get scared. Once security arrived they asked him to leave the premises he promptly left with a relieved look. They tried to get him at the doors but somehow he slipped by. As we left he was outside and after seeing him I glared at him and said hi. He promptly moved away. Boy it sure is nice having an intimidating presence.

Saturday night I had a date planned, but because of circumstances and my plans being postponed to Saturday, I canceled my date. Instead I had dinner with DB and his roommate (BD). I felt sort of distant with DB hopefully he didn't feel the same way. BD is a great guy and boy can he tell a story with such passion that you feel your there. He is very fun to hang out with. Hope to see more of him.

Sunday I went to brunch and had a wonderful time. Good food and good company. I did feel bad. Every time I seem to go over to this friends house there always seems to be some sort of information about me that comes up, which everyone knows but him. I am sorry he always gets put on the spot in his own home.

I almost completed my zen rock garden. I wanted to make one myself and it is looking good.

I went to dinner at DB's. There were 6 of us. Dinner was fabulous. That boy can cook. Sexy and can cook. Who would have thought, not just a pretty face. The conversations and stories were very entertaining. I needed such a terrific event to end my weekend. DB has some great people in his life. I plan on having them all over to my place soon. For the first time I didn't feel like the outsider around them. It was nice. DB has a lot on his mind (educated assumption on my part). I wish I could help, but I think I am part of it. I'm always here to talk to if he needs to (don't forget that). I will just let him have the space and time he needs.

After getting home and planning on bedtime. I get a call from my ex. I shouldn't of answered the phone, but I did. He and I had words and after being on the phone for a lengthy time I turned off my phone and went to sleep.

After an accounting of my weekend I figure with all the additions and subtractions I end up with zero. Better than being in the hole. All in all a good weekend.

05:56 am: Sleepless in Seattle
It's damn early and I have been awake after only 5 hours of crappy dreams and shallow sleep. Yesterday was an interesting day. The tug of war, which has been waging in my life for a while ended. It ended not as I had wished, but hopefully finally some healing can begin.

Saw a terrific friend yesterday and was happy to see that he appeared to be refreshed and energized. With a twinkle in his eye, a smile and a snazzy look he told me of the great day off he had. It was nice to see him smile and actually mean it.

Last night I was watching TV and pretty bored. So I tried to figure out my DVR, which I have had for a month and not used. Although I am above average in the area of understanding electronic components, this one seems ot elude me. I am probably making it more complicated than it is. Project for the weekend is to learn and set up my DVR.

06:29 am: Is honesty the best policy?
I have been in an attempt to be totally honest to people in my life, have been to forth coming with information. I realized yesterday after much thought, that honesty and information have a fine line between them. You can be honest with someone, but if your not divulging information that is pertinent, is that lying or just ommiting. By ommitting something in a conversation, which makes everything else you say the truth is that honesty or manipulation. By twisting and manipulating things aren't you being dishonest. Does everyone need to know everything for you to remain honest? Just a thought that I still will ponder.

12:47 pm: Denial, is not a river in Egypt
How is it when faced with an obvious truth people refuse to accept it. My life changed drastically, almost 9 months ago. Although this change was of my own volition, it did greatly affect and emotionally hurt someone very close to me, whom I love and care about. This person still refuses to accept the change and appears to still believe that things will return to business as usual. I have to agree that I help feed this delusion by responding to every tactic used to return to life before the change.

Recently I have realized that until he accepts this change, he will not be able to deal with it and move on. I am tired of hurting him in my pursuit to find myself. I wish there was something I could do to help him, but the reality is that he is ultimately responsible for his own happiness. I want him to be happy and hope to remain close.

04:28 pm: Is there only Apple Red?
I took this quiz from Dori. We got the same thing. Is there any other outcome? Try it and let me know.

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.